keep and dump

As I wrote in my last post that I want to treat each day as a gift, I began thinking what that meant to me. Since I began the adventure of homeschooling the girls, sometimes I am looking for the next moment of when I can have time when I can delve into "my" stuff which involves de-cluttering and doing things that are not really necessary for myself,Joe or our girls. In other words being more simple,planning for us, not the individual.Since Anna turning 12, I really look at them and can not be live how fast time and days pass.
Since then, this week I’ve been considering the balance of what I want to achieve each day. Could it be enough to just be together with not as much going and outside friends, classes and hoopla? Or do we have to have a whole list of extras to do too? Because there is nothing wrong with those extra things, but I had started falling into a pattern of finishing my day with my thoughts heavy from all the things that would be carried over into the next day or what we are doing next. Resigned to it, but still frustrated.

I remembered how ocean waves wash over the beach, leveling rumples in the sand and filling in trenches and holes, smoothing it over. Ever since then, I’ve been praying that God’s grace would wash over all those details in my life, smoothing them over and filling in the gaps, making the details less distinct and noticeable.

It’s a continual process of refining my aspirations.

Refining your goals doesn’t mean making them less or lowering your standards or expectations. Refinement means losing the extras. It’s about focusing your sights like an arrow. If anything, your aspirations become even greater when they are not diluted by all of the possible things you could be doing.

In the moments when I sit and hang out with the girls, I don’t doubt the purpose and significance of my role as a mother, and I know that the rest of it will get done in its own time, and this time of just being is interrupted more often than needs to be.

When I think of all that I need to get done, or that my girls would "like" to do or go~I think that is where I start feeling overwhelmed. I am actually really good about having my girls be with the family and not be running so much, but in 2010 the running can over take us quickly and I can succumb to having my girl go to many places, take to many activities and just plane say yes to to many things.

It can be hard for moms to focus because our lives are a series of five minute tasks and interruptions. “I can only do one thing at a time” is a common saying I repeat to my kids each day. We have so many things to do, and it’s very easy to add a few more tasks to the list if we don’t stop to focus. I am finding that this is true with my kids.....you can only do one thing at a time. But why do we sometimes feel that kids need to do more, to go more, to be involved more. I grew up so different than they are, were Saturdays and Sundays were for the family and we had time to 'get bored' because we did not have someone to always play with or our favorite shows were not recorded on TIVO to be ready whenever we were. We did not got to the computer or the Wii, we did not have our parents running around frazzled because there was so much to fit in. We have so much and expect too much. Getting 'bored" allowed my brother and I to both explore things and discover things on our own.With just our self. We became more independent as far as not needing someone or something to amuse us. There were No computers, no DSI, no going here and there or having my Mom and Dad plan out play dates find every class that sparked our interest, we had to discover to find it, it was not laid out in front of us or planned for us or recorded for us. There is much simplicity in this. Not that I am going to go with out my weekly recording of Private Practice or a good game of Rock Band, but it is nice to have to really think of something to do when everything is just always with in reach, especially for todays kids that do not really even have to reach at all. it is all there to just do, play and go, go, go.

So the continual process of refining my aspirations is how I decide how I will use those pockets of time for myself and my girls. Instead of remembering everything that is possible, I went through a mental checklist, keeping some things, and crossing off others. Here are few examples of what I decided to focus on, and things I won’t be doing after all:

Keep: Taking care of my two children.
Drop: Plans for a herb container garden on the patio in the Spring. I love plants, but we had too many to water last year.

Keep: Reading books that I feel passionate about listing to music that I love, photography and having my girls see this and hear this and participate with me.
Drop:Feeling that my kids need to take a class or be with a peer to enjoy or learn these things, when really they have been telling me all along that they want to do these activities with me or by themselves.

Keep: The back room clean out project. An organized storage area will help our home function better, especially with the pups who loves a new shoe!
Drop: Organizing the fabric collection. I can just stick it in a drawer, and it will be fine.

Keep: Having the girls see their good friends once or twice a week.
Drop: Having something to do everyday.(wanting ONE whole day just for the four of us- no class, no others the entire day...just us!)

Keep: Art supplies and projects that we use currently.
Drop: Hope of finishing the crochet afghan I started in 1997. If you see a book called something like “Easy Afghans to Crochet in a Weekend,” do not believe it. It is a TOTAL SHAM. I hate to think that people who crochet could lie, but someone did!

When each item has been chosen for a purpose, and the rest has been dropped, then it seems easier to know that there will be time to do it. And if I don’t get to it one
day, that’s fine too. It is a continual process of refinement, after all.


Keep:what we need and use
Drop: what gathers dust

It feels good to have a let go of list instead of a to do list.

Keep. Drop. Keep. Drop. Keep. Drop.


This makes me feel like I am treating each day as a gift instead of another day when I am juggling to much to enjoy those moments that can pass us by in an instant.

I am telling myself every morning that
Today is a gift that I
can not return,
exchange,
or
repeat it.
I need to
Use it wisely.
It is a gift.

some color....

 

TWELVE CANDLES

 

Happy 12 (!) Birthday Anna!!!!!

Dear Anna, Feb.1,2010

Happy birthday. I won’t embarrass you by posting cute little baby pictures of you in your birthday suite.....even though you do have the cutest cheeks!

Twelve years ago when you were born it was a birthday of sorts for me as well. Before you were here my life’s purpose was a blur. Since that snowy day in Febuary however I’ve never been at a loss for direction.

We tease you that you are a handful of a child. And it’s true. Man, you give your family a run for our money. Nothing is easy with you. Being your mother is exhausting. And challenging. And rewarding. And fun. I never know what a day will bring with you but I always know that I’ll learn something. Some subjects we are currently studying: patience; humility;but you are an expert on having a good and warm heart. You want everyone to feel welcome, no matter what they look like or act like. You do not understand why people can be mean for no reason and best of all you teach me lessons about family everyday. Dad, Josie, and Me are so important to you. Even if it is just to sit and ALL of us watch a movie together. You love it when your entire family is present...I love that.

You are thoughtful, kind, funny (really really funny), smart (a little too smart for your own good sometimes), precocious, talented and beautiful.

You roll your gorgeous big brown eyes at me when I tell you that one day you’ll be glad that you feel things so deeply. You sigh annoyingly with me when I tell you that your intense nature will be your trademark and bring you success. You say it’s cliche when I tell you that you can do anything you set your mind to. But I mean every word of it. You know what’s boring? People who are boring. You. Are. Not. Boring. People are drawn to you because you are interesting. But interesting is hard when you are a kid. Kids are easier when they blend into the landscape. Which you do not.

Everyday with you is a moment for me to become a better mother which begins to complete me as a woman and for this, and everything else, I thank you.
Happy Birthday my Sweet Love,
Mom xoxoxox

So Sweet....The girls like to see what animals they are helping, here is a cutie..Angelo